Spare Time: The Decepticons
by PencilofAwesomeness
Summary: What do the Decepticons do when they aren't fighting the Autobots? Series of oneshots that look into the daily lives of our favorite 'cons. NO SLASH, just humor.
1. Chapter 1: The Kitten

**Hello! First (published) Transformers Prime fic, so exited! I honestly don't know how well this will turn out, but I'm posting it anyways. The kitten idea was my first so...please don't be weirded out or anything. **

**Inspired by ThreeinOne's Decepticon Activity list**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Transformers belong to Hasbro. I do, however, own a cat and some bolts ^^**

* * *

"Ah! My aching joints!"

Megatron had ordered Starscream to scope out an air force base for possible supplies, but unfortunately that meant that the Seeker had to stay in jet-form until the majority of the staff wasn't as active. As much as Starscream loved his wings, he was cramped.

Finally, after taking a brief stasis nap, the Seeker saw that the coast was clear. He quietly transformed to his bi-pedal form and snuck around. He found absolutely nothing of interest though (stupid primitive human tech…) and flew back to the Nemesis.

That was a waste of twelve hours.

* * *

Luckily, Megatron wasn't _that_ upset that Starscream came back empty-handed. After all, they didn't really need supplies that badly. So he simply gave his SIC a good, classic back-hand and sent him on his way.

"I get no respect around here," Starscream grumbled, stalking to his quarters. "At least it's better than living off scra-,"

"Meow."

Starscream froze, wondering why a strange noise came from his armor. He carefully inspected himself, but saw nothing.

"Meow!" Suddenly a small white fuzz ball, partially covered in soot, crawled out of his armor and onto his shoulder.

"AHHH! Vermin!" Starscream flicked the creature off his shoulder and quickly backed up, tripping over his berth. The Seeker scrambled behind the berth, hiding from the strange being; said creature, an innocent kitten, starting licking its paw.

Starscream slowly emerged from his hiding space, blaster ready. He aimed it at the creature, intending to blow it to dust. The kitten looked up at him with big blue eyes just as he was about to shoot, and Starscream found himself unable to fire upon such an adorable creature.

"Huh, just what _are_ you tiny fleshling?" Starscream asked the kitten, shifting his blaster to his servo and gently prodding the thing with a single digit. The kitten rubbed against his long digit and purred, causing Starscream to smile to himself. It _was_ kind of cute…

He determined that the creature must have crawled into his chassis while he was sitting in the air force base, more specifically, during his stasis nap. Whatever it was, Starscream was going to found out.

* * *

Starscream blinked at the screen, then back at the creature. He was nearly positive that it was a human animal called a "cat", or more specifically, the sparkling equivalent of one called a "kitten". Apparently the beasts were common for humans to keep as pets. But after further research, Starscream was sure that it was the _kitten_ that kept the _humans_ as pets. Maybe this adorable little kitten was worthy enough to hang around after all…

He turned to the kitten and found that it was rolling around and running throughout the quarters sporadically, before finally darting towards his foot and tackling it.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Starscream yelled, unsure why the kitten was attempting to eat his foot. The kitten was chewing on it while grabbing it with its forepaws and kicking with its hind legs, claws out. Starscream was annoyed and was about to kick it off, but the kitten paused and looked up at him, mouth still partially open. Now that it was clean (Starscream discovered that they had the _weirdest _ways of bathing…) he noticed that it was all white and fluffy, except for a black patch on its face that covered part of its eye and an ear. Why did it have to be so slaggin' adorable?

"Oh I see, you're 'playing' aren't you?" Starscream smiled at the kitten. "Alright, let's play." The Seeker found a small bolt and tossed it to the kitten. It rolled off, the kitten hard on its trail. It swatted the bolt with amazing precision, and lined itself up with the now motionless toy. It carefully stalked the piece of metal, and then pounced, continuing the cycle. Starscream couldn't help but marvel at its predatory grace.

The kitten all of a sudden lost interest in the bolt, and looked around. Almost randomly the small cat leaped and swatted at a spare wire hanging over the edge of a table. Starscream couldn't help but laugh at the fuzzy creature's antics. Seeing that the kitten was having trouble properly reaching the string, Starscream grabbed the wire and lowered it, allowing the white fuzz ball to get a better swing at it. He then was about to put it up, moving the wire, and the kitten promptly chased after it.

Experimenting, Starscream waved around the wire some more. Naturally, the playful kitten kept running after it, swiping its claws at it. "That's it! Attack! Kill!" Starscream cheered as the kitten clawed at the dangling wire. This went on for quite some time, seeing as both the tall mech and the fuzzy kitten enjoyed the game.

"Hey, Starscream, what did you do with my- What's that?" Knock Out entered Starscream's quarters to find the location of a missing tool, but ended up staring at Starscream holding a wire for a tiny creature to swat at.

The Seeker immediately dropped the wire and froze, leaving the kitten to pick it up in its mouth and prance away to chew on it.

"Starscream," Knock Out started slowly, "Why are you playing with a kitten?"

"I- but- it just-," Starscream stuttered, motioning helplessly to the kitten. "Wait a second," he pointed an accusing digit at the red medic, "How did you know that the tiny organic creature was called a kitten?"

It was Knock Out's turn to be flustered and defensive. "W-well… I-I _may_ of… seen _some_ of those human television shows…" he explained nervously. Honestly, he grew strangely fond of human entertainment, but there was no need to express his love for it in front of Megatron's SIC (not that the Seeker would tell him).

Starscream smiled slyly. "You like watching it, don't you?"

"Why is there a kitten in your quarters?!" Knock Out pointed at the playing cat, changing the subject. The kitten looked up at the red mech with its big blue eyes. "Why is it staring at me like that?!"

The kitten walked up to Knock Out and rubbed its head against his foot, purring loudly. "Heh, heh, it _is_ strangely adorable…" the medic admitted. He reached down and scratched its back with a digit. "Aren't you a cute little guy?" he told the kitten.

"Wait, how do you know the kitten is a male? It could be a femme for all we know," Starscream pointed out.

Knock Out shot an annoyed glance at Starscream. "Hellooo! Doctor in the house!" He scooped up the kitten in his servo and calmly walked over to the computer where the Seeker had pulled up information on the felines. After finding the desired info, he raised an eyebrow and gently turned to the kitten over onto its back. He apprehensively looked under its tail, and then quickly averted his optics. "It's a girl," he deadpanned.

Starscream smiled. "Ha! I was right!"

"You guessed," Knock Out snapped.

The kitten rolled over in his hand and rubbed against Knock Out some more, mewling softly. "So what are you going to do with Fluffy here?" Knock Out asked, genuinely curious. After all, they already determined that it was too cute to destroy.

* * *

The two Decepticons leaned against the wall of Starscream's quarters, the kitten fast asleep, snuggled in between their shoulders.

"As long as Megatron doesn't find out, what's the harm?" Starscream shrugged (not too hard that it threw the kitten off), glancing at the kitten.

"Sure, but you have to deal with her…_by-products_…" Knock Out agreed.

Starscream blinked. "Say what now?" What did he get himself into? Darn kitten and her cuteness…

* * *

**If, by any chance, you want more kitten action, I have some stuff planned out *smirks and chuckles evilly* If you have any requests, I'll be happy to see what I can do! Seriously, I need ideas.**

**Review! Don't leave me hangin'!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Kitten part 2

**Sorry this wasn't up yesterday afternoon like I planned, I got caught up in the time stealing trap of life. (So sorry Designation Sparkle Fabulous) As you can see, I made a part two to the kitten arc, 'cause I got some wonderful ideas from BossBot97, inkdragon13, and shohanny. I'm still not sure how well this chapter turned out, but I posted it anyways!**

**Replies:**

**Guest: **I just did ;)

**Mojo: **Kitten and Decepticon antics are the best!

**Disclaimer: Do I look like Hasbro to you?**

* * *

Starscream poked the yellow puddle apprehensively, unsure how it appeared. He then glanced over his shoulder at the kitten, who was focused on licking its legs. Hmm…

The doors to Starscream's quarters slid open, causing the Seeker to jump in a mixture of surprise and fear.

"Relax, Screamy, it's just me," Knock Out laughed. "Of course, I would be scared of Megatron right now, if I were you."

"How was I supposed to know the Autobots would be there when we picked up the energon?" Starscream muttered.

"Uh, you could've, I don't know, scouted the area like the _Seeker_ you are," Knock Out suggested, smirking.

Starscream growled. "Well, it's not like _Lord Megatron_ has brought back Prime's head yet."

"But he can get yours," Knock Out warned. Starscream shut up. Knock Out glanced at the kitten, who was now anxiously paw the ground.

"Ya know how I mentioned her…by-products?" Knock Out started slowly.

"Yeah," Starscream blinked, his expression blank.

Knock Out sighed and pointed at the pile of brown sludge now on Starscream's floor. Starscream swiveled his head from the poop to the kitten, disgust and horror clear on his faceplate. "She made _that_? How?!"

"Well you see, when it eats, the food goes through the-," Starscream lifted his servo in front of Knock Out's mouth, willing the medic to stop.

"I take back my question, I'm scared to know," Starscream admitted. "But how aren't the least bit disgusted by this organic's by-products?"

"I've seen the contents of your tank. I don't get grossed out easily anymore," the red medic smirked.

"Meow. Meow. Meow!" The kitten started to meow loudly at the Decepticons' feet, pacing uneasily.

"Speaking of which," Knock Out started, "she needs some more food."

"Just so she could do _that_ again?! I don't think so," Starscream pointed at the pile of waste. The kitten them meowed even louder, staring up at the Seeker. "Shh, shush, silence!" he hissed at the cat, looking nervously over his shoulder. Man, this thing was loud. What if someone heard her? Yep, Starscream was as good as scrap. He looked up Knock Out pleadingly. "How do I make her shut up?!"

The medic smirked. "Feed her. 'Ya know, you could get a litter box for the little gal to do her 'business' in," he chuckled. At the SIC's black expression, Knock Out sighed and pulled out a hand-held computer and typed in a few commands. "Here, take this and go get what you need." He tossed the hand-held (or is it servo-held…) device at Starscream, who fumbled with it before properly catching it.

Starscream looked over the info and gave Knock Out an incredulous look. "How am I supposed to get this stuff? I can't just waltz into Petsmart! Wait- why do I have to go?" the Seeker whined.

"It's your problem, and I'm sure Megatron's glorious Second in Command can figure something out."

Starscream glared the red 'con. "She's your problem too!" he argued. "Face it! You like that tiny organic!"

Knock Out looked taken back, then retorted, "Well, I don't see you making a move to get rid of her either! Fine, I'll look after the kitten until you get back."

The two Decepticons shared an awkward silence before Starscream took off in search of the supplies. Knock Out bent down to inspect the kitten before scooping her up in his servo. "Okay, I'm taking you back to my lab, but if you even think about touching my stuff, you'll be living in the scrap yard," he warned the kitten. After all, if medics shared one thing in common, it was that they hated bots touching their stuff.

* * *

Starscream gazed at the pet store from a distance, a mischievous smirk evident on his faceplate. He knew it couldn't show himself to the humans without attracting unwanted attention, so he opted for a more subtle approach. Subtle for Decepticon standards, at least.

He shifted his servo into a weapon and aimed it at the shop. One by one, he blasted the windows of the place, shattered glass flying in all directions. As expected, people started to run screaming out of the store. Smiling to himself, Starscream started to move towards the place.

All of a sudden, sirens filled the air and a swarm of police cars surrounded the building, forcing Starscream to duck back under cover.

"Attention, burglar! Show yourself!" a cop yelled through a mega-phone. That was the thing about the Middle of Nowhere, Nevada; if even the smallest thing happened, the entire police force was on it.

Scrap. This was going to be harder then he thought.

* * *

"MEOW!"

"Shut up!" Knock Out desperately tried to distract the hungry kitten, who kept on voicing her discomfort quite noisily. He growled to himself, cursing the amount of noise the tiny creature could make. And she never STOPPED!

Suddenly he got an idea and started fumbling with a few of his tools and supplies. Merely minutes later he held up a slim device triumphantly and pointed one end towards the kitten. Knock Out laughed maniacally as the tip glowed a dangerous red, creating a…small red dot on the floor. The medic swung around the device, making the red dot swirl around the kitten.

The kitten stopped mewling and focused on the moving dot, her head slightly cocked. Suddenly, she sprang on the red dot, trying to catch the beam of light. Seeing as she would never catch it, this could go on until she tired herself out. Laser pointers…Knock Out was a genius.

* * *

Starscream tapped his digits impatiently against the bolder he was hiding behind. How long were those stupid humans just going to _stand there_! Ugh, he didn't have all day!

Fragging small town…one thing happens and the whole police force jumps on it. Wait, that's it! Starscream just needed something else for them to stand in front of. He gazed over the area, and spotted some small houses. The seeker aimed and hit a small house, causing it to go up in a blazing inferno. Fortunately, no one was in the house, but Starscream would tell you that that was purely coincidental; it's not like he noticed that the tiny house was completely dark, or anything…

The point was, mere moments later, the police men talked among themselves and left the pet shop in an heartbeat. Starscream smiled. Humans were so easy to trick.

The Seeker jumped out from his hiding place and approached the store. He strolled around to the back and knocked a gaping hole through wall and roof. He had to get in somehow.

Starscream checked again to see what he was looking for, and advanced towards the cat supplies. Of course, much to his surprise, there were at least twenty different brands of cat food and even of the litter. What could possibly make a difference? Oh Primus, why couldn't anything be easy for him?

* * *

"Starscream!" Megatron roared. Where did that pesky Seeker go? The Decepticon leader neared Starscream's quarters, and he strode in without a second thought. To his irritation though, his SIC was still nowhere to be found.

He made a move to leave, but a faint squishing sound under his foot made him stop in his tracks. Megatron slowly lifted his foot peered at the brown gooey stuff at the bottom of it. He raised an eyebrow, unsure what it was or how it got in Starscream's quarters. Mud maybe? It sure didn't react well with his sensors, though.

Megatron growled and shook the gunk off his foot stalked off. Maybe Knock Out knew where that stupid Seeker was.

"Knock Out!"

The medic nearly jumped out of his armor when he heard Megatron's shout from down the hall. He nervously looked at the kitten, who was now asleep on top of one of his countertops. "Sorry Fluffy," he whispered as he tossed the cat into a cabinet. Knock Out turned around just as Megatron stomped into his lab.

"Where's Starscream?" Megatron demanded. "I need a _proper_ report of what happened at the energon mine."

"Don't you mean beating him upside the head for messing up?" Knock Out muttered under breath.

"What did you say?!" Megatron growled menacingly. (How else does he talk?)

"Nothing, my liege. And I haven't the slightest clue where Starscream is," Knock Out answered quickly, willing his leader to leave before-

"Mreeooww!" That…

"What was that?" Megatron glared at the medic, daring him to explain.

"N-nothing, my L-lord," Knock Out stuttered slightly. He cleared his throat. "Just some exhaust fluids. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fix that," he covered. Megatron gave the medic another glare before stalking off.

"Phew…" Knock Out sighed, leaning against the now closed door. "That was close…"

"MREOW!"

"I'm coming! Yeesh…"

The excited kitten leaped out as soon as she was released and jumped on Knock Out, scaling his chassis like a rock. Reaching his shoulder, she mewled softly and rubbed her head against his neck. Knock Out looked down at himself in dread, groaning when his suspicions were confirming. Tiny scratch marks marred his paint job.

"You do realize I have to buff myself, _again_, right Fluffy?" he told the cat, annoyed. Fluffy just purred.

* * *

Starscream finally just grabbed a handful of each food and kitty litter, regardless of fraggin' brands, and flew back to the Nemesis. Carefully, he navigated through the halls and made it to Knock Out's lab. When the doors slid open, Knock Out once again flinched in surprise and began to once again try to toss the kitten into a cabinet.

"Relax, it's just me," Starscream assured. The Seeker slowly looked around and saw that some of Knock Out's equipment was scattered across the room, and raised an eyebrow in question.

"Fluffy here is quite restless," Knock Out explained through gritted teeth.

Starscream's eyebrow went higher. "Fluffy?"

"Yeah, because she's…never mind, just take the cat and go." Knock Out grabbed the kitten and thrust her into Starscream's servos. The kitten caught a whiff of the food the light gray mech was holding and started pawing at the bag.

"Alright, alright, I'm going." Starscream turned on his girlish heel and left for his quarters.

Knock Out grabbed a damaged proton fuser and pouted to himself. "I needed that…"

* * *

Soundwave peered curiously at the monitors. It was really quite amusing to watch Starscream and Knock Out attempt to care for the tiny organic creature referred to as a "kitten". He chuckled silently to himself as he saw Starscream try to figure out the litter box. He'd give them at least a week, probably less until Megatron found out, or the kitten run them ragged.

* * *

**The ending…ugh…oh well. Anyways…I have to get something off my chest…**

**WARNING: PERSUASION SPOILERS BELOW!**

**Ok, did ****_anyone_**** else see the look on Starscream's face when Megatron told him to blow up the Autobot base. Was that…guilt? Horror? And the way he slowed down…I think our little Screamy is going soft. And then he blew up the wrong building, telling his armada to blow up 'E' instead of 'F'. Somehow, I think Soundwave knew 'F' was the right one. So either Starscream purposely blew up the wrong one, or he was being stupid. I don't have any other Transformers Prime fans around, so I can't talk about this with anyone.**

**Ok. I'm done.**

**Future chapter ideas are appreciated, so is feedback. 'Nuff said, so…Review!**


	3. Chapter 3: Punching Bag

**Shorter chapter this time, also not involving kittens. Oh, and Sparkle Fabulous, you're OC does make a cameo appearance. Now sit back, grab your popcorn, and let the heartless, yet hilarious, Starscream torture commence! Oh, one more thing…**

**Guest: **Sorry about the whole size thing. It's just really hard to keep it all in proportion. To be fair though, Starscream is smaller compared to, say, Megatron or Optimus Prime. And I have seen some pretty big Pet Supply stores, and to be fair, he did break the roof. But it is hard to keep it accurate. Gah! Why do these dudes have to be so huge?!

* * *

Chapter 3: Punching Bag

"It won't happen again, Master. I swear!" Starscream pleaded.

"Then why was that the fifth energon mine this Earth month that you lost to those filthy Autobots?!" Megatron towered over the shaking SIC, daring him to answer.

Starscream tried to piece together a coherent response, but his voice modulator was only able to produce sounds. Megatron roared in frustration and grabbed Starscream by the wing and tossed him into the wall. Starscream gave a startled yelp as he crashed through.

Megatron stomped through the rubble. He gripped Starscream's wing again and lifted him up to his own faceplate. "It better not happen again," the Decepticon leader growled, before unceremoniously dropping the Seeker.

* * *

"And she let them get away with the relic too!" Starscream pointed accusing at the yellowish green femme, as he stood by Megatron's side.

"Is this true?" the large grey mech demanded.

The femme rolled her optics and gave an annoyed glare at Megatron. "It's not like _you_ could do much better against Prime. The last time I checked, every confrontation you had, Optimus kicked your tailpipe. So you expect _me _to do what _you_ can't?"

Megatron growled at the femme, but was unable to directly argue with her. "If you cross me again," he warned, "You'll wish you ended up in the Pit!" He raised his servo in the air menacingly, and the femme quietly braced herself. To her surprise, he snapped his servo down instead, his sharp digits drawing energon from his Second in Command's shoulder. "Understand?"

Starscream's red optics widened as he gave Megatron an incredulous look. "What was that for?!" he screeched, clutching his bleeding shoulder.

"Dismissed!" he spat, raising his servo in the air again, this time staring down the Seeker.

Starscream left without question.

* * *

Megatron aimed another punch at Optimus Prime, but before his servo connected, a hurdling Seeker rammed into his side, knocking him over. "Starscream!" Megatron hissed. Without missing a beat, the gladiator grabbed Starscream's ankle and swung him at Optimus, allowing him to collide with the Prime's shoulder.

The Decepticon used his Second in Command to strike his opponent a few more times before carelessly tossing the Seeker over his shoulder and continuing the fight on his own.

* * *

Megatron slammed his fist down on the control panel beside him, glaring at the group of Vehicons in front of him. "You've been slacking off lately, and I will not tolerate it!"

The Vehicon in front, Steve, gulped. "W-we'll try harder," he promised.

Starscream, who was standing on the other side of Megatron with his servos folded behind his back, smirked. Vehicons scared so easily…

"You better!" Megatron hissed, "You allow Optimus Prime and his pathetic little group to slaughter you!" He thrust a sharp digit in the Vehicon's face before swinging it back to his side, back-handing Starscream in the process. Starscream stammered backwards, holding his jaw and staring at Megatron in wide-eyed (optic?) shock. Did he just…? But Megatron continued to yell at the Vehicons like nothing happened. Accident maybe? Starscream shook his helm and tried to regain his composure by Megatron's side.

"And another thing—," Megatron's large, clunky servo flew towards him yet again and whacked in his the faceplate. Starscream stumbled some more and looked at Megatron in a mix of shock and terror.

"If you disappoint me again, I'll rip out your sparks painfully and-," Megatron blindly reached for Starscream and grabbed his neck. The Seeker released a pitiful yelp as the gladiator lifted his off the ground and tightened his grip, all without even looking back.

The Vehicons all nodded quickly, and Megatron dropped Starscream. "Good. Now go." Megatron left as well, not sparing his sputtering SIC a second glance.

* * *

"Gah! Those stupid Autobots!" Megatron roared as he grabbed a certain Seeker by the face and slammed him into a wall.

"M-master?" Starscream's weak voice wasn't heard as Megatron slammed him into another wall.

"I was so _close_!" The gladiator threw Starscream to the ground and then promptly kicked him. "Slagging Optimus, taking the relics that should belong to _me_," he growled, tossing Starscream to the other side of the room. "MASTER!" he screeched as caught air. The Seeker skidded a good ways on his faceplate, then fell limply to the floor, covered in dents and some energon.

Megatron continued to mutter things under his breath as he stalked out of the room, kicking Starscream once as he passed by.

"Uhnn…" Starscream groaned.

* * *

"Mmm-hmmm, so that's what happened?" Knock Out asked with a bored tone, not even looking up.

Starscream nodded pathetically, having finished recapping the cause of his visit to the clinic.

Knock Out looked up at the Seeker and took in all the dents. "Harsh," he sympathized, then motioned towards an empty berth. Starscream silently walked over and sat down like instructed.

The medic sighed to himself. If Megatron didn't use Starscream like his personal punching bag, then there would be a lot less visits to his clinic from the Seeker.

* * *

**Megatron needs some anger management. Instead of calmly talking about his problems, he yells them to the air while beating up Starscream. Poor screamer… If there was a question, the femme was one of Lyra Luna Sparkle Fabulous' OCs, Stardust, that I promised a cameo for.**

**Missed the season finale earlier, and now eagerly awaiting it. GAH! The suspense! *chews on fingernails***

**So, I'm having a lack of ideas at the moment for future chapters, so voice any ideas in that box titled 'review' down there. You know you want to…**


End file.
